During the last Olympics, Visa–using Morgan Freeman, the voice of God–ran a commercial called “Come Together.” The essential message from the commercial was twofold: 1) “Use Visa” because we will always have ample credit available, and even more ridiculous, 2) “The Olympics are a time for the world to come together and celebrate our similarities.” That idea is patently absurd. International competitions (the World Cup, the Olympics, etcc) aren’t a time to come together and celebrate with other countries, they’re a time to vehemently hate everything that isn’t Red, White, and Blue. If you think Yankees fans and Red Sox fans hate each other, check out a USA/Mexico soccer game. International sports are a whole other level of competition. Which is why, despite all its flaws, I am very excited for the World Baseball Classic. Unfortunately the WBC seems to be the most under-hyped world competition ever. Do you realize this thing starts in 2 days? And that the elimination rounds will be on opposite the first two weekends of the NCAA tourney? And that half the games are on the MLB Network–do you even have the MLB Network? This thing could get buried if we don’t make it a bigger deal. So today I’m gonna take you through the top storylines of the World Baseball Classic–to make sure you, my countrymen, know exactly who to hate. After all, if you want two people to hate each other, put them in competition with one another; if you want 2 billion people to hate each other, make it a competition between countries.
1. A-Rod is Un-American
This has to be first and foremost. Do you realize that in the 2006 WBC, A-Rod played for America, and now in the 2009 version he’s playing for the Dominican Republic? Did he buy so many steroids there that he now has dual-citizenship? How do the rules possibly allow this? What if Michael Phelps got so pissed about USA Swim’s reaction to Bong-gate (yes, it deserves a gate) that he decides he wants to swim for someone else next Olympics? He’s goofy-looking, the next Olympics are in London, what if he says ‘I’m swimming for Britain in 2012’? Not only would the Olympics never tolerate it, but he would become the biggest US villain since…well, ever. And yet we’re gonna allow A-Rod to do it? There is only one word for what A-Rod has become: un-American. In fact, I think the House of Representatives needs to set aside this whole “economy” business and look into this.
2. So, just what is legal in Group D?
Then again, if recent history is any guide, having A-Rod on your team could also be the biggest hurdle for the Dominicans (just ask Derek Jeter how easy it is to win when you have A-Rod). But besides just the A-Rod problem, the DR’s roster reads like a 2nd Mitchell Report- Miguel Tejada, Adrian Beltre, David Ortiz and Pedro Martinez (yes I know I’m treading on sacred ground but look at their year-by-year stats and then let’s talk about whether Boli is available in their home country). Speaking of what’s available in the DR, they’re in the same group as the Netherlands. Puerto Rico, Panama, DR, and…the Netherlands? It’s like an easy SAT question: ‘which one is not like the others?’ The only reason the Netherlands would possibly be in that group is if it’s a Bud Selig joke–‘since all the players got their drugs in the Dominican Republic, I’m gonna include Amsterdam in that group too.’
3. Fear the Hispanics in late-Winter
That isn’t a James Bond code, although it could be; no, I mean that this tournament does favor Latin countries for non-roid reasons too. It is starting before the Major League Baseball season begins, which conveniently is right after all of the Latin countries have finished their seasons. In other words, Frankie Rodriguez is in mid-season form (which makes sense because the Mets usually end their season in August). Frankie’s been pitching for months in competitive games, while Jake Peavy has been eating his body weight in burritos. The US, Canada, Italy, and Venezuela make up Group C and it could be tough for the US to even get out of group play.
4. X factors
The last World Baseball Classic was not won by teams that had the most American major leaguers; actually just the opposite was true: the Cuba/Japan finals featured Ichiro as the only current major leaguer. This year Cuba will again feature no players currently playing outside of Cuba, China will have only 3 MLBers, and both South Africa and Japan will only feature 5 each. Strangely enough Chinese Taipei (aka “Taiwan”) will feature 8 players on major league rosters- the most of any team in Group A. But don’t be surprised if the guys that play in the US struggle against non-big league talent- being unknown is a big advantage in baseball. I would not be surprised if, just as in 2006, the tournament MVP did not currently play in America.
5. Missed opportunities
There are a few elephants in the room that I would be remiss to ignore. First, in order to get this many countries to participate, there had to be concessions made. I personally believe that one such concession was to intentionally put Cuba in Mexico (rather than a US venue) to try to prevent defections. Furthermore, the elimination rounds take place in San Diego and Miami before the final 2 rounds are in LA. Amazingly enough, Cuba’s bracket puts their elimination games in San Diego. Think about what a missed opportunity that was; what an atmosphere it would have been to see a Cuban playoff game in Miami.
The other glaring problem is the missing names: the Dominicans don’t have Vlad or Pujols; Venezuela will not have Johan Santana; while the Americans won’t have any number of big-name players (I am especially disappointed that Josh Hamilton will not be participating). Some of the absences are due to injury; just this past weekend Grady Sizemore had to pull out due to injury. Shane Victorino will take his place, which prompted many people to ask: ‘wait, Hawaii is a part of the US?” Injuries will always be a risk when professional athletes play in international competitions; but the WBC has had to bend over backwards to accommodate Major League Baseball’s concerns. This has lead to some questionable rule changes, which frankly change the entire dynamic of the game. Leading to….
6. It’s all about the bullpens, baby
Because you have 60 million dollar arms pitching in a $10 competition, the rules of the tournament are designed to prevent injury even at the expense of the spirit of the game. There will be pitch limits for starting pitchers–they can’t go above 70 pitches in the first round–and even relievers that hit 30 pitches will not be allowed to pitch the next day. On top of that, the teams that meet in the Finals will be playing their 8th game in 15 days. This all adds up to a lot of pressure on the bullpens. The US will bring 14 pitchers- 10 of whom are relievers. Don’t expect to see Roy Oswalt or Jake Peavy carrying this team, instead it will be the Brian Fuentes’ and Jonathan Broxton’s that will control how well America does.
Sports on the world stage are a semi-replacement for War–not a full replacement because, let’s be honest, the Afghanistan soccer team sucks. There is always a strange dynamic when countries that have fought a war against each other suddenly meet in a sporting competition. If the Japanese team loses to China, they are not allowed to return home. But at a time like this, when we are about to battle for two weeks, maybe the baseball-playing world should stop and think about all the things that unite us…like how much we hate Alex Rodriguez.