our winners<\/a> this year will be celebrating by dining out at an expensive waterfront restaurant, Boathouse on the Bay, cruising through the canals of Naples, or going on wild spending sprees through Rocket Fizz candy store, losers will, with a stiff upper lip, soldier on through lives unmarked by triumph, success and, sadly, joy.<\/p>\nOur favorite example of the indomitable spirit of the legions of American also-rans comes from Alyssa Mathias, of Long Beach, in the wake of this year\u2019s Treasure Hunt.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d she wrote in a tear-stained email, \u201clike many treasure hunters before me, I\u2019ve come up empty handed. So, in lieu of a photo of the book, I have taken the liberty of expressing my sorrow in a manner I think you\u2019ll agree only improves upon RSL\u2019s original words.\u201d And here she submits her feelings in song lyrics, that she advises you sing to the tune of \u201cDerelict\u201d from the Broadway adaptation of \u201cTreasure Island.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI Lost the Long Beach Treasure Hunt\u201d<\/p>\n
No more books at the Bay Shore branch\u2014<\/i><\/p>\n
…Yo-ho-ho, and a flagon of mead!<\/i><\/p>\n
Got a horse from the Lakewood ranch\u2014<\/i><\/p>\n
…Yo-ho-ho, and a flagon of mead!<\/i><\/p>\n
Was chased by dogs from Wardlow’s grave,<\/i><\/p>\n
For three whole miles to see the waves.<\/i><\/p>\n
At Shoreline Village (not a fave),<\/i><\/p>\n
My selfie skills put to the test<\/i><\/p>\n
(My penguin says they’re not the best),<\/i><\/p>\n
and I never used my dental floss*\u2014<\/i><\/p>\n
…Yo-ho-ho, and a flagon of mead!<\/i><\/p>\n
*Hold note to really ham it up.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re thinking that\u2019s way too good for a common Treasure Hunt loser, you\u2019ll feel some satisfaction in being correct. Mathias is a graduate student at UCLA studying ethno-musicology, following up on her field work in Armenia.<\/p>\n
Much thanks to Mathias, our honorable loser. Perhaps next year we\u2019ll throw a songwriting contest instead, just to give her a fighting chance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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