Ah, there’s nothing quite like the glory of defeat. To fail, when all around you are prancing gloating winners.
If we’ve taken nothing else away from the recently concluded LB Post Treasure Hunt, it’s the dignity and grace with which losers have accepted yet another major setback in their lives.
While our winners this year will be celebrating by dining out at an expensive waterfront restaurant, Boathouse on the Bay, cruising through the canals of Naples, or going on wild spending sprees through Rocket Fizz candy store, losers will, with a stiff upper lip, soldier on through lives unmarked by triumph, success and, sadly, joy.
Our favorite example of the indomitable spirit of the legions of American also-rans comes from Alyssa Mathias, of Long Beach, in the wake of this year’s Treasure Hunt.
“Well,” she wrote in a tear-stained email, “like many treasure hunters before me, I’ve come up empty handed. So, in lieu of a photo of the book, I have taken the liberty of expressing my sorrow in a manner I think you’ll agree only improves upon RSL’s original words.” And here she submits her feelings in song lyrics, that she advises you sing to the tune of “Derelict” from the Broadway adaptation of “Treasure Island.”
“I Lost the Long Beach Treasure Hunt”
No more books at the Bay Shore branch—
…Yo-ho-ho, and a flagon of mead!
Got a horse from the Lakewood ranch—
…Yo-ho-ho, and a flagon of mead!
Was chased by dogs from Wardlow’s grave,
For three whole miles to see the waves.
At Shoreline Village (not a fave),
My selfie skills put to the test
(My penguin says they’re not the best),
and I never used my dental floss*—
…Yo-ho-ho, and a flagon of mead!
*Hold note to really ham it up.
If you’re thinking that’s way too good for a common Treasure Hunt loser, you’ll feel some satisfaction in being correct. Mathias is a graduate student at UCLA studying ethno-musicology, following up on her field work in Armenia.
Much thanks to Mathias, our honorable loser. Perhaps next year we’ll throw a songwriting contest instead, just to give her a fighting chance.